Tuesday, November 13, 2012

6 or so months later and here we are again...

Ok so, after 6 official months here we are. We are still alive. California has not yet eaten us up and spit us out in a general direction back home. Things got real good for a minute. But we are experiencing the ol' peaks and valleys scenario and are merely climbing up another hill in this adventure. My experience living away from home has taught me so many things that I know I could never have found out if it had stayed. Whats good for you, colorado, is that I am learning that I actually might be meant for the colorado lifestyle that I discredited for so long, yearning to find that California lifestyle which is clearly mistaken to be seen as  more laid back, when in reality it is simply a blanket of apathy over every concern. Don't get me wrong, not all the people here are bad, many are great, but you have to really make them care. It seems to me that the general mood is this..."I'm not going to care until someone points it out that I don't" which unfortunately transfers into inconsiderate, impatient, cold, etc. Driving, of course is the number one problem because you are completely disconnected to other people, only a sea of cars to agitate you further in harmony with the symphony of honks and beeps and yelling out the window. Do these people realize that all they need to do is settle down, pay attention and if everyone lets one person in on the on ramp, we wouldn't all have to slam on our breaks as someone forces their way in and we would all keep moving. Don't get me going on traffic in California, it truly makes your blood boil.

I was bar tending and working almost everyday, making money. Not great money, but making it. I have found my self now, again in the face of uncertainty. Truth be told, it is somewhat of a blessing because the environment that I was working in was just not for me. It does not fit my personality to be that hot bartender who flirts with every guy in the room. I enjoy being the bartender that can provide a laugh, a good conversation or at the very least a good drink. The nightlife of the Gas lamp district is incredibly consuming and you'll find your self lost in it after a few drinks if you don't pay attention. It is something that if I had discovered it in my earlier years I would have gladly gone wild, but I must admit, I've grown tired of it. I am in no way admitting that I am getting to old for anything, my biggest goal is to never be defeated by my age, but i long for a different type of entertainment. San Diego's down town scene is something to be seen, to visit, but not something to live amongst. I still long for the ocean.

So now that my shifts have been cut down to basically nothing, I am looking again for a job in a town where there are more people than jobs. Could this be a good opportunity to try something new? Of course it can but it could also be another month of getting behind, right after we thought we were catching up. My fear can potentially blind my eyes from opportunities and I have to focus on being positive in this job search so that I can potentially find myself in a new situation that was much better than the one before. Hopefully the right job will pop up at just the right moment, so for now Im leaving it to chance. But believing in this is the key to success, other wise every job will look undesirable, unworthy or out of reach and that is simply not true.

Still not exactly sure where I am supposed to end up right now, I know for sure that I have to give things some time to get better, hopefully this first year is just that shitty year that you have to laugh about later. I am still discovering what I hope to be in love with in San Diego, its surprises me everyday, and I grow and learn all the time. Meeting new people with, new perspectives has been life altering, at the very least it helps me to see the other side of the coin and really grasp what is important in relationships with others.

Still feeling frantic, yet hopeful.


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